:: An Experiment ::

So I've come to the realization that there is a reason God has not yet let me find a husband and why he keeps sending me on all of these awful dates - it is to ENTERTAIN THE PEOPLE!  So my friends - that is what I shall do.

For one month, I shall be going on dates and then chronicling them - because with the dates I've been on thus far - I have to share (I'll have to write those later) - as they are just simply entertaining!

I think I'll do a rating system too - rate before the date and after the date.  Most will be mediocre I'm sure, maybe some even awful (although can it get much worse? I'm afraid to ask) and then maybe just ONE will be great and lead to a second date!  Who knows - but in the meantime - happy holidays! :)

Date No. 8203857

Well, it's probably not that many dates - but it sure feels like it.  I'm getting tired of the rat race of dating and honestly - I'm tired of going out on mediocre dates with guys I'm not really even interested in and then having them reject ME.  I mean - not that I'd reject them - but it still isn't fun.

Take last night for example - you know - date number 8203857 - Brian.  40, pharmaceutical rep, funny (at least over email, text and phone), divorced, 2 kids (ages 8 and 10), 5'9".  Normally divorced with kids and shorter than me isn't really my type but I'm trying (or was at least) to have an open mind about things.  We decided to meet at BLUE.  I'm going to write an entirely separate post on WHY NO ONE SHOULD GO OUT FOR SUSHI ON FIRST DATES.  Anywho.  We meet and we have good conversation, he touches me a few times on the arm - which I had always thought meant they're interested in you - or at least attracted to you - am I wrong?  Let me also say that earlier that day he was texting me notes about how incredible my smile was and how he was looking forward to meeting me.  Why do guys say these things when maybe they're not interested at all?

Anywho - things were going well and then I asked him about his management and hiring experience + tips as he had mentioned earlier he oversaw a team of 60+ people for work.  He had a million of them and they were all very helpful.  I don't know if I killed the conversation because I brought up work talk or not - but then he checked his phone (also very annoying).  While he was checking his phone I got up to go to the bathroom.  We left shortly after that and in the parking lot there was nothing.  About 6 feet away from each other, a nice to meet you and basically he said "keep on smiling".  No mentions of  "this was fun and we should do it again," or "okay - where to now?".   It was just... over...  I sent him the obligatory "thank you for dinner" text and have yet to hear back.

Not that I'm expecting to and again, it's not like I was totally into him - but again - just a little piece of you dies inside each time because what you think might or could have been has definitely just been knocked off the table and smashed to smithereens.

Which is why I'm taking a break from dating. Because I don't need anymore hopeful nights to end in disappointment yet again.  The break begins after Monday btw.  Read the next post for more on that. :)

Trying to Remember It All...

I can't even make this stuff up. I sure wish I could.  But maybe all of these awful, no good, horribly gone wrong dates will make it into a book one day and catapult me into the famous life I've always dreamed of - yes?  Or maybe someday I'll find that prince charming and get the wedding of my dreams.  Either way - Ill take it - just stop with the bad dates and dickish guys already!

Where do I begin? I have no idea - as I can barely remember - so for starters - I'll put up photos and then try to remember to return to fill in the stories.  Who doesn't love a visual?

Chris - the doctor from Des Moines... 

Corey - the CRAZY I met on St. Patrick's Day who pretty much moved into my house and started wearing my clothes... WHAT?  See how it went from normal to WEIRD in a matter of moments...

 

Looking Back...

Funny what a year can do... some days I feel like I'm so far ahead of where I used to be and then other days I feel like I'm still in the exact.same.place. -- or maybe even further behind.
As far as dating/relationships go... this time last year I was dating Bob. I sent him a huge heart cookie on Valentine's Day as I was out of town for work -- I got back two days later and he dumped me because I "wasn't active or outdoorsy enough." Sweet.

Since then I dated a guy this summer for a few weeks who my friends described as "oh ya - that guy who had a personality of a dead moth"? and nothing since... just one awful date after another... after another... after another... except for Rob - my new friend who doesn't want to date me. Such is life. I can't quite figure out what I don't have or maybe do have that keeps sending guys to the hills... but I guess I'll just keep at it. After all, dating is fun! For 3 seconds at least...

I sometimes want to give up but they say if you don't believe in your dreams... they don't come true. So for now - I'm going to keep dreaming and keep being fabulous. ---------------------------------------------------

p.s. - this year I got flowers on Valentine's Day from a guy who I hadn't even met yet. We then went out and it was an "okay" date... then I never heard from him again. Ha! Story of my life... dudes running far, far away. :)

The Date That Ended with a Punch... Literally

I'm trying to record all of these crazy stories so when the publisher calls and wants that book - I'll have it ready and rarin' to go!

People often ask me what is the worst date I've ever been on. I've been on many of bad dates but I think this one takes the cake - but only because the dude punched me. Yep! :) Here's the story...

His name was Tony but I liked to call him "OkobojiTony" because he was in fact - from Okoboji. Okoboji Tony shows up wearing a button down shirt with hair coming out of the top button - no undershirt mind you and about 6 inches shorter than what I was told. Neat.

OkobojiTony and I go to dinner at a tapas restaurant. I'm pretty excited about this as I've never been to this tapas restaurant and had heard great things about it. All was fine and great until he ordered rabbit as one of our dishes. Um... no thanks?

Conversation was awkard - as per typical on a first date. I would ask questions and get one word answers - no questions asked back. Neat. I could feel everyone staring us down and I just thought to myself "yep - everyone totally knows we're on a blind date and it's not going well."

We ate some more and I asked him more questions - he answered. The bill came and I offered up my age old test - and asked "how much do I owe?" He responded "you can just give me $80.00 I'll get the rest." $80.00?! Are you KIDDING me?! How much was that rabbit? Of course I keep quiet and hand over my debit card explaining I don't have that much cash. He looks disgusted that I don't have anything but my card and says "well nevermind then, you can buy the drinks." Of course I'm thinking to myself - what? Drinks? You mean this bad date is still going?

So silly me - I go with him to the next place and have drinks. I figured I was already dressed up and could definitely use a drink after the dinner experience so why not?

We went to Myth - a martini bar downtown where the seating is all couches. He sat real close to me and any time I said something remotely funny he laughed jubilantly and hit my thigh - not his. Weird.

Then (here it comes) - he yells out at the top of his lungs "MULLET!" and punches me with all of his 5'2" framed force in the arm. I want to burst into tears but I don't because I'm in shock. Did he really just hit me I asked?? He did - I had a sweet bruise and a throbbing arm to show for it. I looked up and said to him "Um, where is this mullet?" He pointed to a guy with long hair. Furious I remarked "that is NOT a mullet - that's just a guy with long hair! And you don't PUNCH people for mullets - you do that for slug bugs! Thanks for the bruise buddy!"

He turned and looked at me, smiled and then (I'm not even joking) LICKED my face. Yep. Tongue out - all over my face. In public. At a martini bar. So now not only did I have a throbbing, bruised arm - I had slobber all over my face. Gross.

I hate to say it but it doesn't end there friends. After the no-good, horrible, awful date ended - I received a text from him 2 days later that said:

"Hey Sarah, I had fun the other night but I'm not interested enough to see you again. Best of luck!"

And that my friends was my no good, horrible, awful date. Here's to the next one!