People often ask me what is the worst date I've ever been on. I've been on many of bad dates but I think this one takes the cake - but only because the dude punched me. Yep! :) Here's the story...
His name was Tony but I liked to call him "OkobojiTony" because he was in fact - from Okoboji. Okoboji Tony shows up wearing a button down shirt with hair coming out of the top button - no undershirt mind you and about 6 inches shorter than what I was told. Neat.
OkobojiTony and I go to dinner at a tapas restaurant. I'm pretty excited about this as I've never been to this tapas restaurant and had heard great things about it. All was fine and great until he ordered rabbit as one of our dishes. Um... no thanks?
Conversation was awkard - as per typical on a first date. I would ask questions and get one word answers - no questions asked back. Neat. I could feel everyone staring us down and I just thought to myself "yep - everyone totally knows we're on a blind date and it's not going well."
We ate some more and I asked him more questions - he answered. The bill came and I offered up my age old test - and asked "how much do I owe?" He responded "you can just give me $80.00 I'll get the rest." $80.00?! Are you KIDDING me?! How much was that rabbit? Of course I keep quiet and hand over my debit card explaining I don't have that much cash. He looks disgusted that I don't have anything but my card and says "well nevermind then, you can buy the drinks." Of course I'm thinking to myself - what? Drinks? You mean this bad date is still going?
So silly me - I go with him to the next place and have drinks. I figured I was already dressed up and could definitely use a drink after the dinner experience so why not?
We went to Myth - a martini bar downtown where the seating is all couches. He sat real close to me and any time I said something remotely funny he laughed jubilantly and hit my thigh - not his. Weird.
Then (here it comes) - he yells out at the top of his lungs "MULLET!" and punches me with all of his 5'2" framed force in the arm. I want to burst into tears but I don't because I'm in shock. Did he really just hit me I asked?? He did - I had a sweet bruise and a throbbing arm to show for it. I looked up and said to him "Um, where is this mullet?" He pointed to a guy with long hair. Furious I remarked "that is NOT a mullet - that's just a guy with long hair! And you don't PUNCH people for mullets - you do that for slug bugs! Thanks for the bruise buddy!"
He turned and looked at me, smiled and then (I'm not even joking) LICKED my face. Yep. Tongue out - all over my face. In public. At a martini bar. So now not only did I have a throbbing, bruised arm - I had slobber all over my face. Gross.
I hate to say it but it doesn't end there friends. After the no-good, horrible, awful date ended - I received a text from him 2 days later that said:
"Hey Sarah, I had fun the other night but I'm not interested enough to see you again. Best of luck!"
And that my friends was my no good, horrible, awful date. Here's to the next one!
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