Tips on How to Survive a Day at Work after a break-up

So you know the drill - your boyfriend asks if he can come over so you can "talk". Oh that is the ultimate worst text message/email/phone call a girl can have I think.  Because you just KNOW what's going to happen. And the pit of your stomach hurts and you already start crying and then think - "maybe I'm overreacting! Maybe he just wants to actually TALK!"  ... but no.  Alas, he comes over, you have the conversation and there you are again.  SINGLE.  So you cry the entire night, don't sleep a wink and wake up feeling even worse.  How will you tell people? WILL you tell people? What could you have done differently? Could you have done anything differently? Is it you? Is it him? Is it just the universe?  Who knows.  But stop thinking about that - you have to think about how you are going to survive the day! Here are a few tips I found useful:

Tip 1:  Use an eyeshadow base that notes it has a "refreshing feeling".  I liked to use divine goddess luminizer from Sephora http://www.bareescentuals.com/Divine-Goddess-Luminizer).  I tell ya what - this stuff makes your eyelids burn so bad you'd swear they're on fire!  So much so that your eyes start watering - and viola! It appears you have been crying. So when people ask you at work "have you been crying? What's wrong?"  You can simply say "of course not! It's my new eye shadow lumnizer!"

Tip 2:  Wear all black.  It's important to grieve the death of your relationship so you should dress appropriately.  However a few new jewels to spice it up (I like to get mine from Stella and Dot (www.stelladot.com/sites/sarahlukas) always puts a pep in your step too.

Tip 3:  Call one of your best girlfriend co-workers to set up a lunch date stat.  If you are going to cry; you can at least do it in front of her and she won't care.  It's good to plan in some cry times if you need it.

Tip 4: If you can eat at lunch, go all out.  Who cares - calories don't count today. Right?  And if you have an afternoon without meetings - have a margartia or a glass of wine too.  This will take your worries away in no time.

Tip 5:  Remember it's not the end of the world.  You knew going into the relationship that one of the outcomes could be heartbreak - but you still took a risk and jumped in 2 feet first.  You've been broken up with before and you lived through that - you'll live through it again! Promise!  Just think of all the spare time you have now to re-fold all of the t-shirts in your drawers!

Tip 6:  Remember you're good enough, you're smart enough and gosh darnit - people like you!  You'll be back to your old tear-free self in no time!

:: An Experiment ::

So I've come to the realization that there is a reason God has not yet let me find a husband and why he keeps sending me on all of these awful dates - it is to ENTERTAIN THE PEOPLE!  So my friends - that is what I shall do.

For one month, I shall be going on dates and then chronicling them - because with the dates I've been on thus far - I have to share (I'll have to write those later) - as they are just simply entertaining!

I think I'll do a rating system too - rate before the date and after the date.  Most will be mediocre I'm sure, maybe some even awful (although can it get much worse? I'm afraid to ask) and then maybe just ONE will be great and lead to a second date!  Who knows - but in the meantime - happy holidays! :)

Date No. 8203857

Well, it's probably not that many dates - but it sure feels like it.  I'm getting tired of the rat race of dating and honestly - I'm tired of going out on mediocre dates with guys I'm not really even interested in and then having them reject ME.  I mean - not that I'd reject them - but it still isn't fun.

Take last night for example - you know - date number 8203857 - Brian.  40, pharmaceutical rep, funny (at least over email, text and phone), divorced, 2 kids (ages 8 and 10), 5'9".  Normally divorced with kids and shorter than me isn't really my type but I'm trying (or was at least) to have an open mind about things.  We decided to meet at BLUE.  I'm going to write an entirely separate post on WHY NO ONE SHOULD GO OUT FOR SUSHI ON FIRST DATES.  Anywho.  We meet and we have good conversation, he touches me a few times on the arm - which I had always thought meant they're interested in you - or at least attracted to you - am I wrong?  Let me also say that earlier that day he was texting me notes about how incredible my smile was and how he was looking forward to meeting me.  Why do guys say these things when maybe they're not interested at all?

Anywho - things were going well and then I asked him about his management and hiring experience + tips as he had mentioned earlier he oversaw a team of 60+ people for work.  He had a million of them and they were all very helpful.  I don't know if I killed the conversation because I brought up work talk or not - but then he checked his phone (also very annoying).  While he was checking his phone I got up to go to the bathroom.  We left shortly after that and in the parking lot there was nothing.  About 6 feet away from each other, a nice to meet you and basically he said "keep on smiling".  No mentions of  "this was fun and we should do it again," or "okay - where to now?".   It was just... over...  I sent him the obligatory "thank you for dinner" text and have yet to hear back.

Not that I'm expecting to and again, it's not like I was totally into him - but again - just a little piece of you dies inside each time because what you think might or could have been has definitely just been knocked off the table and smashed to smithereens.

Which is why I'm taking a break from dating. Because I don't need anymore hopeful nights to end in disappointment yet again.  The break begins after Monday btw.  Read the next post for more on that. :)

Trying to Remember It All...

I can't even make this stuff up. I sure wish I could.  But maybe all of these awful, no good, horribly gone wrong dates will make it into a book one day and catapult me into the famous life I've always dreamed of - yes?  Or maybe someday I'll find that prince charming and get the wedding of my dreams.  Either way - Ill take it - just stop with the bad dates and dickish guys already!

Where do I begin? I have no idea - as I can barely remember - so for starters - I'll put up photos and then try to remember to return to fill in the stories.  Who doesn't love a visual?

Chris - the doctor from Des Moines... 

Corey - the CRAZY I met on St. Patrick's Day who pretty much moved into my house and started wearing my clothes... WHAT?  See how it went from normal to WEIRD in a matter of moments...

 

Looking Back...

Funny what a year can do... some days I feel like I'm so far ahead of where I used to be and then other days I feel like I'm still in the exact.same.place. -- or maybe even further behind.
As far as dating/relationships go... this time last year I was dating Bob. I sent him a huge heart cookie on Valentine's Day as I was out of town for work -- I got back two days later and he dumped me because I "wasn't active or outdoorsy enough." Sweet.

Since then I dated a guy this summer for a few weeks who my friends described as "oh ya - that guy who had a personality of a dead moth"? and nothing since... just one awful date after another... after another... after another... except for Rob - my new friend who doesn't want to date me. Such is life. I can't quite figure out what I don't have or maybe do have that keeps sending guys to the hills... but I guess I'll just keep at it. After all, dating is fun! For 3 seconds at least...

I sometimes want to give up but they say if you don't believe in your dreams... they don't come true. So for now - I'm going to keep dreaming and keep being fabulous. ---------------------------------------------------

p.s. - this year I got flowers on Valentine's Day from a guy who I hadn't even met yet. We then went out and it was an "okay" date... then I never heard from him again. Ha! Story of my life... dudes running far, far away. :)

The Date That Ended with a Punch... Literally

I'm trying to record all of these crazy stories so when the publisher calls and wants that book - I'll have it ready and rarin' to go!

People often ask me what is the worst date I've ever been on. I've been on many of bad dates but I think this one takes the cake - but only because the dude punched me. Yep! :) Here's the story...

His name was Tony but I liked to call him "OkobojiTony" because he was in fact - from Okoboji. Okoboji Tony shows up wearing a button down shirt with hair coming out of the top button - no undershirt mind you and about 6 inches shorter than what I was told. Neat.

OkobojiTony and I go to dinner at a tapas restaurant. I'm pretty excited about this as I've never been to this tapas restaurant and had heard great things about it. All was fine and great until he ordered rabbit as one of our dishes. Um... no thanks?

Conversation was awkard - as per typical on a first date. I would ask questions and get one word answers - no questions asked back. Neat. I could feel everyone staring us down and I just thought to myself "yep - everyone totally knows we're on a blind date and it's not going well."

We ate some more and I asked him more questions - he answered. The bill came and I offered up my age old test - and asked "how much do I owe?" He responded "you can just give me $80.00 I'll get the rest." $80.00?! Are you KIDDING me?! How much was that rabbit? Of course I keep quiet and hand over my debit card explaining I don't have that much cash. He looks disgusted that I don't have anything but my card and says "well nevermind then, you can buy the drinks." Of course I'm thinking to myself - what? Drinks? You mean this bad date is still going?

So silly me - I go with him to the next place and have drinks. I figured I was already dressed up and could definitely use a drink after the dinner experience so why not?

We went to Myth - a martini bar downtown where the seating is all couches. He sat real close to me and any time I said something remotely funny he laughed jubilantly and hit my thigh - not his. Weird.

Then (here it comes) - he yells out at the top of his lungs "MULLET!" and punches me with all of his 5'2" framed force in the arm. I want to burst into tears but I don't because I'm in shock. Did he really just hit me I asked?? He did - I had a sweet bruise and a throbbing arm to show for it. I looked up and said to him "Um, where is this mullet?" He pointed to a guy with long hair. Furious I remarked "that is NOT a mullet - that's just a guy with long hair! And you don't PUNCH people for mullets - you do that for slug bugs! Thanks for the bruise buddy!"

He turned and looked at me, smiled and then (I'm not even joking) LICKED my face. Yep. Tongue out - all over my face. In public. At a martini bar. So now not only did I have a throbbing, bruised arm - I had slobber all over my face. Gross.

I hate to say it but it doesn't end there friends. After the no-good, horrible, awful date ended - I received a text from him 2 days later that said:

"Hey Sarah, I had fun the other night but I'm not interested enough to see you again. Best of luck!"

And that my friends was my no good, horrible, awful date. Here's to the next one!

Update a la mode

Oh my gosh you guys - I have SO much to write about. So much that I can't possibly do it all now - I'll have to make a list and then do some each day. But before I forget...

1. Did I tell you about the date I went on where the guy punched me? Yep.

2. Nothing like looking for dudes on the driveway...

3. Steve and the Book

4. Jason the Mel Gibson look-a-like

5. A Blast from the Past: Cory the Condom Caper returns

6. Breeeezy does it!

7. 2 dates with 2 different guys in one week - am I dating more than one guy at a time?

8. Reunion Bloopers

9. My starring role in Bob's Book

10. St. Jude: Pray for Me

Get comfortable - these are going to be good! :)

Perhaps I Should Have Used a Different Line...

Oh my friends... bless their hearts. So I get this email from my friend:

Hey Sarah,

Last night Heather and I got a drink at Jake's. We ran into a handsome young gent and a gal who was trying to help him find a great girl. I quizzed him about traits he's looking for in a girl and well... seems like you and him might get along great! His name is Ryan. He's 33. Never been married/no kids. Good looking. Catholic. A lawyer. Not on facebook. That's about all I know about him.

Not sure if you're interested in meeting anyone right now, but I thought it might be worth a try. I have his email address and would love to introduce you two via email. Of course, only if you're interested. ;)

Let me know!

----

So of COURSE I'm like yes! Totally! Give him my info... how fun!

So she does. 2 weeks go by and not a word from him. So I decide to take a chance and send him the following email:

Hey Ryan,

How are you? I don't know about you - but I think this is hilarious. There's nothing I like more than randomness and meeting new people!

Hopefully you're having a great week!

I'm off like a prom dress,

Sarah

------

And I receive this response:

Hi Sarah,

Yes, it is entertaining. Your friend's email might have gone into my junk email, so I'm sorry for the apparent delay in my response. I think that a friend of mine was getting a little overzealous at Jake's a couple weeks ago and was talking to a few of your friends about a set up. All I know is that at some point I was pulled (okay, willingly sat) in a booth with 5 women who began asking lots of questions. It wasn't like the Spanish Inquisition, and your friends are actually very nice.

At any rate, I'm actually pursuing dating someone right now. There's probably a better word than "pursuing", but I'm not near a thesaraus right now. I digress. Anyway, it's probably not the best timing for a set up.

I hope you're having a good week as well, and maybe we'll run across each other's path sometime in the future.

Cheers,
Ryan
-------

I sent this exchange to some friends and most agreed I definitely should NOT have used the ending like "I'm off like a prom dress"... but whatever! I thought it was funny... and besides... I want to be memorable!

Oh well - that was fun!

Lesson Learned...

Don't EVER make eye contact with a creepy guy at a bar. Yah. Welcome to MVC 2011 and the Big Bang piano bar where I accidentally made eye contact with this creep. He totally made a beeline to our table and then forced me (with the help of some of my friends) to slow dance with him to a fast song.

I then asked him his name and he said "Colin". Then he proceeded to spell it for me in sign language. Then, he told me he was in school studying market research (is that a major?) and then kept trying to pull me in closer and made me put my arms around his sweaty neck all while telling me how "awkward I was".

I finally broke away after he said to me "I just want to feel the curves of your body" and proceeded to slide his hands down the side of my body... EW EW EW EW EW!

Makes for a fun story though I suppose. :) Thanks to Lizz for capturing it on film.

gross.

double gross.

The Curse of Valentine's Day...

I'm not entirely certain it has to do with Valentine's Day or any other day - but for 2 years in a row now, guys that I'm currently dating have soon decided around this day that "they're just not that into me...".

Yep - Bob broke up with me and back into the ocean I go. At least this time it was in person and not over the phone or via text message or email...

He said he's just looking for someone who is more "outdoorsy and athletic." I don't know about you but I take that as I must need to be into rock climbing and a lot thinner. Maybe I should have taken my key chain off that states "I love not camping." Oh well.

I can only hope that God is giving me these experiences as another item for my tool box of relationships... but I feel like it's getting pretty full these days! Here's hoping Mr. Right is just around the corner.

Until then - who wants to hit the gym, go rock climbing or go out? :)

Sports Illustrated

So - who knew? I'm pretty much freakin' fabulous!

I'm doing some PR/Marketing work on the side and have recently scored some press for a client in SPORTS ILLUSTRATED. Yep! It's a sports product so getting in Sports Illustrated is pretty much a dream.come.true.

Yay! I'll post the story when it comes out. And if you need help with your public relations/marketing/becoming famous... just hit me up. :)

"Home" at last...

I'm finally able to spill the beans... I have returned to Creighton and am working back in the Alumni Relations Office and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it! It's like I never left... which is a little weird since you would think things would have progressed in two years but on the other hand, I'm really able to jump in, make decisions and know exactly what I'm doing and talking about!

I've had quite the journey, introspection and have learned a lot about myself and what I'm looking to get out of life in the past few months. And as horrible as it was... I've been able to survive and come out alive again. Funny how things usually work out ... I will continue to believe that things still will!

Here's to more exciting updates about my travels, wacky experiences and more learning. Stay tuned!

So Long Shrew...

Okay - I don't know where to even begin with this dude. But basically, we went on ONE DATE and I think he maybe thought we were dating? Anywho, it's a bit crazy and I will let the text message exchange speak for itself... it's as follows. :)

First, some background information:

I decided to text him on Friday and simply say "hey! What's up?" well that turned into him sending this huge long text asking about what happened and why didn't we date and he said that I just had my guard up and never gave him a chance. I said to him - "actually, I did give you a chance - you are just too high maintanence for me."

So then begins the fun... here is his text message to me verbatim:

--------------------------------------
FRIDAY:
Me: "Yes I did actually. And you're just too high maintenance for me."
Dude: Explain Please.

SATURDAY:
Dude: Now that it's not midnight and you don't have liquid disclosure in you like Friday, I kindly ask a third time to expand upon: 'Yes I did actually. And ure just too high maintence for me'

SUNDAY:
Dude: No response in 3 days equals invalid arguement. I would have been content with a rational explanation, but that ship has sailed. Enjoy your life alone, enjoy your blog, enjoy your expectations. Watch the movie: The Ugly Truth with Katherine Heigl & Gerarld Butler. And actually do something non passive and lose my number. I don't want you to strain yourself so: I will do you the favor of removing you from Facebook. And you didn't even know I'm a millionaire. Do a background check on me and check my tax records if you don't believe it. So long shrew.

------------------------

BWHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Seriously - I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried! Happy reading and remember - thank god it's not you! :)

From crap, crap, crappy to hap, hap, happy!

Whoa! It's been some time since I updated this (as per usual, right?) well anyway - SO MUCH has happened! Here's rundown:

1. I left my job at the advertising agency. There is an entirely different story here but I'll save that for next time.

2. I was expecting to work for 2 more weeks at said job above but they let me leave 2 days after I put in my notice. This might seem scary to most but to me - it is/was FREEDOM!

3. My friend and I have created a partnership and are doing some freelance work - it's great! More coming soon on that.

4. I'm enjoying my "lady of leisure" days until the new job comes through. As soon as it's official - I will give more updates. :)

5. I went on a "dating spree" and man do I have some GREAT stories! Those will be in another post.

6. Luckily as I was getting sick of going on mindless, horrible dates - I met an AMAZING guy! I'm pretty sure he's me in the male form - but funnier, smarter and better looking. I know - kind of hard to believe, right? But it's true! He's just the best. And as I like to say - definitely the "cheese to my macaroni". :) Hahah,

7. I've been working out 6 days a week with Farrell's Extreme Body Shaping and LOVE it! I'm in the last week of the program (it's a 10 week program) so we'll see what results I've gotten - but if anything - through all of this job stuff - it has really been a great release!

Okay Amanda - I hope this quenches your blog/update thirst for now. More (in-depth) stories and posts later!

It's Just Not In the Stars...

I like to look at dates like business meetings. Here's a little ditty from one that never quite worked out. (From an email to my friends):


So as you know - I was supposed to have a business meeting - I mean date with 5'8" Joe this evening. Well, it sucks but I had to cancel AGAIN - and for good reason!
My AC stopped working last night and I need to go meet the AC guy to get it fixed. So this is what I sent to Joe via text message today:


SARAH: Hey! Any chance for lunch next week? My AC broke and I'm going out of town. Life sucks!


And his reply...


JOE: Sorry to hear that your A/C went out, that can be annoying in the summer. I think the universe is trying to tell us that this is just not going to work out with us. I wish you the best of luck with everything. Take care.




I guess I'll have to blame it on the universe ;)


HA!

Adventures In Dating Continue...

Okay. So I was all gung ho to go on as many dates as possible and then write about them - because what a great book and adventure that would be, right? Well - I think I was wrong because I'm just getting sick of it.

Seriously - if there is one lesson I've learned through all of this - it's that you can totally tell what the guy thought of you by the end of the date.

Translation: At the end if all you get is a half hug and a "I'll talk to ya later"... that means you will never, ever hear from that dude again. He obviously didn't think you were as great as you thought he was. Or you could have which I did have once - a really great, full on hug and a "would you like to go out again?" Granted - that one ended after a month because he was "too busy"... but still!

I just keep talking myself into it though that life is better getting out there and trying to date than it is sitting at home and feeling sorry for myself. However, I'm beginning to think that this dating stuff is taking a lot more effort than I really want to put forward.

Where's my fairy godmother to drop in the man of my dreams when I need it most? Oh right - that just happens in the movies.

More adventures to come I'm sure and hopefully not too many more "half hugs and I'll talk to you laters". Hmph.

I have a secret...

(I don't want to plan my own 30th birthday party) ... but you can't really have someone else do it without asking and that's just rude. Plus - that's what happens when you're KNOWN for your stellar party planning skills. So now, not only do I have to plan my own party - I have to make it off the hook! Man this is stressful. Maybe turning 30 isn't that fun afterall?

I think I've realized the reason I'm single...

I think it's because in a weird, round-a-bout way -- God is granting my other dream of being famous! He wants me to write a book about all of these dumb guys who I go on dates with for the world to say "oh man, that sucks!" or "I totally know how you feel!" Yep... pretty sure that's it. :)

Coming to Terms...

As of late, I haven't felt like my life has been very "fufilling"... I mean, I'm bored - ALL OF THE TIME and often feel like there is NO ONE out there to hang out with lil' ole me. But I'm starting to come to terms with it and think how lucky I am! I mean seriously - I have all of the time in the world -- to work-out, read, bake, go out with friends and really - just "hang out" or as I like to call myself be "a lady of leisure." I've been uncomfortable with this lifestyle because I'm usually running from one thing to the next and barely have time to breathe - let alone RELAX -- but I'm thinking I'm at this point for a reason. Maybe it's the calm before the storm. A good storm -- filled with awesome things, lots of dates and who knows... all kinds of happiness! I'll try and keep you posted. For now, I'm going to feel lucky I have a Friday night at home alone instead of being depressed about it. :) Cheers!